I have a confession: I set terrible goals for myself, even though I know better. I've been struggling to do "self-care" since my daughter was born 4 years ago.

Time and time again, I get a sense of urgency and setting big black/white goals that require perfection, like working out everyday at 5am, or not buying any food out. It goes well for a day or two, but then my daughter has a rough night's sleep, or I'm too tired to good, and I miss one day. Then I think, "well, I failed at that goal, might as well stop trying."

Sound familiar?

The problem with that pattern isn't that I "messed up" once; it's that my goal was unrealistic for my current life. I actually used to be able to get up at 5am and workout most days, but now sometimes my daughter needs support with her sleep, so I can't get up.

The problem is that I didn't set the right kinda of goals.

If you struggle with anxiety, procrastination, low self-esteem, or past trauma, you might approach goals differently than others. You may set impossibly high standards, fear failure so much that you don’t even start, or avoid goal-setting altogether because it feels overwhelming. The good news? When done with intention, goal-setting can actually help regulate emotions, improve self-esteem, and create real progress toward the life you want.

Let’s explore how setting the right kind of goals can support your emotional well-being, and how therapy can help you work through the mental roadblocks keeping you stuck.

How Goal-Setting Impacts Emotional Wellness

When approached mindfully, goal-setting can positively impact your mental health in several ways:

• Emotional Regulation: Having clear, realistic goals gives your mind something to focus on, reducing anxiety and uncertainty. It provides structure, which can be especially helpful if you often feel overwhelmed.

• Boosts Self-Esteem: Achieving small, manageable goals reinforces a sense of accomplishment and self-worth. This is key for anyone struggling with self-doubt.

• Reduces Procrastination: When goals feel achievable, they become less intimidating, making it easier to take action instead of avoiding tasks out of fear or overwhelm.

• Creates a Sense of Control: Anxiety often thrives on uncertainty. Goal-setting helps create a roadmap, giving you a greater sense of direction and control over your life.

But not all goals are helpful. Some can actually contribute to anxiety, low self-esteem, and feeling like a failure.

The Difference Between Realistic & Harmful Goals

Not all goals support emotional wellness. Some can be unrealistic, rooted in perfectionism, or even self-sabotaging. Here’s how to spot the difference:

✅ Healthy, Realistic Goals:

• Focus on progress, not perfection.

• Are broken down into small, achievable steps.

• Align with your values and emotional needs.

• Leave room for flexibility and self-compassion.

❌ Harmful, Unrealistic Goals:

• Are overly ambitious or vague (e.g., “I’ll fix my anxiety this year”).

• Have rigid deadlines that create pressure rather than motivation.

• Are based on external validation (e.g., “I’ll be happy when I lose X pounds”).

• Trigger feelings of failure if not achieved immediately.

The key is to set goals that support—not sabotage—your emotional well-being.

How Therapy Helps You Set & Achieve Meaningful Goals

If you struggle with anxiety, trauma, or feeling overwhelmed, goal-setting might not feel straightforward. Therapy can help by:

• Identifying What’s Holding You Back: Many people have mental blocks—fear of failure, perfectionism, or past experiences that make setting goals feel impossible. Therapy helps uncover these barriers.

• Creating a Personalized Approach: What works for someone else might not work for you. Therapy helps tailor goal-setting strategies to your unique needs and emotional capacity.

• Building Self-Compassion: Therapy shifts the focus from “achieving success” to “making meaningful progress,” helping you stay motivated without self-judgment.

• Providing Accountability & Support: It’s easier to stay on track when you have someone helping you navigate obstacles and celebrate your progress.

Ready to Set Goals That Actually Support Your Mental Health?

If goal-setting has ever left you feeling anxious, overwhelmed, or stuck, you’re not alone. But you can approach goals in a way that nurtures your emotional well-being rather than draining it.

Want to learn how? Schedule a free consultation today and let’s create a plan that works for you, not against you.

Your healing is worth the investment.
Let’s create the space for you to feel like the best version of yourself.

Click here to schedule a free consultation.

Love,

-Soul Centered Therapists